Empty Car

An ode to my grandmother, who picked me up from pre-school, school and 2 years of my college, even when she couldn’t walk properly. She waited for me patiently, even as the lectures got extended, or I got extra work at an internship.

Ammaji, you’ll forever be missed. ♥︎


I remember running to you, as a 5 year old

with a runny nose, complaining about the cold

you waited outside my school, in the white Tata Estate

as I jumped into your lap, I felt the cold go away.

I remember running to the car, in 4th standard

and telling you about my best friend who fought with me

I slept in your lap, as you took me a gift shop, to buy a card for my friend.

I remember running to the car, in 8th standard,

to tell you about the teacher who scolded me

I cried in your lap, hugging you, my tears soaking your shoulder,

as you consoled me all the way back home.

I remember running to the car, in 11th standard,

After reading a poem in my English class

about a woman who loses her old mother,

and cherishing your touch and feel, and the warm physical presence,

as I hugged you, sleeping in your lap, the way back home.

I remember running to you, in first year of college,

sharing with you, how I was judged by my college friends, for speaking my mind

and I felt the tension ease away, as you fed me with your hands.

I remember running to you, while I interned at NDTV

with a grinning, blushed face, to tell you that I met Kranti Sambhav,

my crush since class 9, and how you smiled when you saw him read news the next day.

I remember running upto you, after an MUN,

excited to show you my trophy, as you waited an extra 2 hours,

because of the delay in the closing ceremony.

I remember sleeping in your lap, in 12th standard,

as you told the driver to keep the car moving, even after we reached home,

Just so that I could sleep longer.

I remember fighting with you, in the second year of college

for coming to pick me up, even when you had unbearable knee pain

I remember you telling me, as I clung to you in your lap,

that you’ll continue to pick me up, all the three years of my college.

Your confidence in your long life, kept me going

And now when I sit in the car, on the way back home

Empty and desolate, and unbearably cold

I feel the pangs, excruciatingly painful

Trying to find solace, looking back at those 17 years,

When the car was warm, cheerful, filled with the steaming aroma of maggi,

reverberating with happy songs we sang, our way back home.



3 thoughts on “Empty Car

Add yours

  1. This void that we are experiencing, which wud be felt by you the most, cos you were so privileged to spend so much time with Ammaji…
    As time passes by, we will be feeling Ammaji’s presence more and more … as Saints and God’s in Human Form get more closer to us.


  2. This is an amazing article Chandni. I remember waiting outside Babaji’s Aasan Sahib waiting for Ammaji to come up because I knew she was it was time to pick you up. Then waiting on both of your return. Ammaji was always gleaming ear to ear when you were near. Happy Birthday in advance.



  3. AMMAJI , tears roll.down everytime any mention of u comes.
    Give us courage and strength to accept the fact . We cant overcome the loss.
    Life is standing still n meaningless.


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